do you remember the first time you were called annoying?
how your breath stopped short in your chest
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue.
your eyes never left the floor that day.
you were 13.
you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,”
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years.
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours
there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, your heart;
mostly because they can’t handle their own.
but you will never be
and have never been
I had a much better day today. My friend’s birthday was today, and she invited me out with her, her friends, and her parents. It’s the first time I’ve been out in over a month, and I really enjoyed myself. We went to a canyon and went “river hopping,” basically navigating along a river by walking, jumping, and balancing along the rocks and boulders jutting out from the midst and sides of the river.
It was really intense. The rocks were slippery, and we really had to focus on every step. It was a good mental exercise, I think, and you can’t feel depressed when you’re trying not to slip and fall and die. I actually did slip and I fell in the river and got soaked from the lips down. The river water tasted nasty. Luckily I didn’t bang my head on any rocks! Also, someone told me that I looked good even when I was falling (I fell gracefully, apparently), and when I got up soaking wet and freaked out about the possibility of my shoes floating down the river, so there’s that. ;)
Yeah, it was an adventure. We made it way down the river, and on the way there, we found a frog and an completely intact skull of an small, unidentifiable animal. On the way back from the river, we split up into two small groups to make it back to our lunch spot. The group I was in got minorly lost for a while and had to climb down a steep slope, almost a wall, of rocks and boulders to make it back down to the river. It was pretty tough. Aside from the rocks and the river, we had to make our way through dense brush and a whole lot of dry vegetation. In reflection, I’m really glad that none of us ended up getting stung by scorpions or bitten by a snake, since visibility at foot level was zero when we were in certain areas.
We had lunch out on the rocks, and when we hiked back to the cars, we found a snake resting in the shade of a rock! It was a gopher snake, and it was pretty big and cute. A large crowd formed around him to look at him, and he was just looking back at us calmly and chilling. No hissing, no getting freaked out. I wonder what he was thinking.
After we got back to my friend’s house, we found out that her mom had made this amazing homemade white chocolate raspberry cheesecake, and it was so good. Homemade cheesecake is even better than store-bought/frozen cheesecakes and I never thought that was possible.
So, yeah! It was a good day. I’m super tired now and I have a scrape on the sole of my foot from where I fell. I am certain that I will never win any medals at river hopping, but oh well. It’s always good to have an adventure. :D
at what point in a mutual followship am i allowed to address you by name and reply to all your posts and consider you one of my friends and stuff
Anonymous asked: Have you read the A Song of Ice and Fire series?
YES. AND I AM IN LOVE WITH THEM. :D
Anonymous asked: I tried Lights in the Shadow, but I couldn't get past my distaste for seeing a young, possible queer girl fall in love with a much older nice guy and essentially forced into sex with him. Am I misreading things here? Perhaps this was meant to be a gross story?
It’s totally cool that you feel a distaste for the subject matter of Lights. The age difference is off-putting, as well as the arranged marriage. It’s dubcon in the sense that Azula would not sleep with Chan Li if not for the fact that she had to marry him and provide an heir to the throne.
I don’t intend it to come across as Azula being in love with Chan Li, though. She thinks of him as an ally and a friend. As was established in Part 11, she likes him as a human being, she cares about him (neither of which she is happy about), but she “canonically” does not love him. Ty Lee is definitely the one she loves, but as far as she’s concerned, Ty Lee betrayed her, chose Mai over her, and left her. Bad breakup with a lot of unresolved feelings.
Similarly, Chan Li doesn’t love Azula. He cares about her, but he doesn’t love her. He even says in Part 7 that kissing her is “strange” because of her youth. Both of them are trying to make the best out of a bad situation, the bad situation being their marriage. I definitely see it more as a friendship than a romantic relationship, but they’re physically intimate because they have to be.
One of the reasons I wanted to write this story was to explore the experience of a queer princess/heir to the throne. Like Azula says in the first part of the fic, she always knew she had to marry a man and have children, and she says once that she had “tried to feel that way for men before,” but there is really no element of choice in her situation. She’s a queer girl who had to be in a heterosexual relationship for political reasons and has grown up knowing that. And yeah, that is very saddening and upsetting. Her situation sucks, even though Chan Li is a “nice guy” and not the asshole she had feared he would be.
I hope that helped? Sorry for the essay. If you have any questions, I’m always up for answering them. :)
[this is a good quote by the way] … not a rich college kid (via shitrichcollegekidssay)
You know what? No, this is bullshit. Adopting a PoC child is not necessarily an act of tokenism.
My parents and I lived in an area with an EXTREMELY low Chinese population when they decided to adopt my sister. They would have taken a child from literally anywhere in the world, but China was the country that was most open to them at the time.
They didn’t adopt her because they wanted to have a token child, or be “white saviors,” or show off. They adopted her because they wanted another child, for the exact same reason they adopted me.
Fact is, you don’t know why someone is adopting a child, and you don’t know what their life experience has been so far. Who the fuck are you to judge their decision, or the circumstances of their life?
So if you wanna throw shade at adoptive parents, you can fuck right off. When you manage to do something as generous as take in another person’s baby and raise it as your own, maybe then you can cast your oh-so-pure judgment.
Until then, adoptive families don’t need more stigma, so fuck the fuck off.
I don’t know why I have such an aversion/difficulty with writing the last chapter of Strings. Yet another night went by with me unable to even open up a document and outline. Five months since the last chapter. Finishing this fic is weighing on me like an albatross, like psychological baggage, but I can’t do it and I don’t know why.
I will do it. I reread the fic and it still resonates with me, Korra’s story still really moves me. But I don’t know why it’s so hard to just open up that stupid document and outline.